I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize