So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
