What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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