Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
