I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
there is glitter all over my balls
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
