Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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