just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
