but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
