One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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