Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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