That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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