I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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