I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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