just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
