I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
