I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
