my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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