oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
