so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
