I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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