So drunk its hurt
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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