apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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