Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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