you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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