Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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