I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
