I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize