found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
