Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
