Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
