Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
