I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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