Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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