My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
