Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
