she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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