he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
