my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
soo... how was my night?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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