Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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