If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
