Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize