In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
