Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
