Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
