You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
