apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
