apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We talked him into tasing himself.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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