he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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