i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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