I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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