OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
