she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
