hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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