this beer tastes like vomit already
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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