You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
