Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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