Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
