I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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