the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
