have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
