I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
