yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
