Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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