i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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