so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
