just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
