Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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