Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
