Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
