We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
