i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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