They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
