True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
