all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
