i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
