You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You're like the curious george of whores
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
