We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
