Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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