so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize