This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
